Fucking Jazz Music

Jazz music sucks.

Alleged jazz enthusiasts are full of shit.

Anyone who isn’t black or over 96 years of age and claims to love jazz is a fucking liar. A poser. A phony.

I pity the single, 20- or 30-something white guy who brings his “date” home and fires up the fucking Miles Davis CD to show his sophistication. Who the fuck are you kidding?

Hey, dipshit, she’d rather listen to the fucking Black Eyed Peas. Even the fucking Oakridge Boys.

And she just sits there and sips her shitty merlot (90 points according to BevMo!) and nods her head for an hour and a half to songs that seem to have neither a beginning nor an end. It’s just raping her eardrums and she’s smiling and nodding her head like a fucking lemming.

“This is so nice.”

Sure it is.

Don’t tell me about how Jazz is the foundation for rock. I don’t give a shit. It’s fucking boring.

There a couple dozen way-too-long horn solos. There’s the requisite and fucking repetitive bass chords that just DROP into the fucking song for no apparent reason and add nothing to the composition other than to remind you that there’s a guy with virtually no musical talent who was willing to spend a shit load of money to stand upright holding a fucking tree-sized instrument.

And don’t forget the constant droning of the retard rat-a-tat-tatting the fucking cymbals.

Yeah, that’s interesting.

“Oh, you like Jazz?”

“Yes, I like Jazz.”

“Me too. Do you like Acid Jazz? Or are you into Free Jazz?”

“No, actually I dig Latin Jazz.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Yeah, fuck you.